Dale's Personal History

I completed this personal history video picture montage for my personal history class, English 220. I split it into two parts so I could upload it onto my blog so you could all see it easily. Enjoy.

Podcast

I may start a podcast instead of my blog to vent my views and such. So that my 3 followers have a reason to follow me again.

Board Game!

All you wished you had experienced on my blog in the last month will be encapsulated in a board game I am creating. It will be epic. Stay tuned.

Death Cab for Entertaining Music

Death Cab For Cutie. They've diluted themselves with too many albums with lyrics too much akin to a teenager's diary. They make excellent music videos, however. Maybe they should just stick to making videos then.

Can anyone sit and listen to an entire Death Cab For Cutie Album without feeling empty and exhausted by the end of it? They may be heading for the sad realm of mood music or background music at a party. Nobody's listening, it's just some sort of organized noise in the background.

Not all bands are supposed to last past 4 or 5 albums.

P.S. I'm unequivocally right.

A Glimpse

Here is a glimpse of this blog's new co-author. In the immortal words of Mr. Bean "brace yourself!"

Free .mp3 download!

The title of this post was to trap music pirates into a brief discussion of the issues. Think before you click!

Music pirates are all hidden in dark corners of rooms with greasy hair, black fingernails, a trench coat hanging near by and an Uzi in their closet. But now Jack and Sally Dogood are both music pirates also!

Has the internet ruined good music or forced it to evolve? The RIAA and MIAA are both constantly battling the proliferation of pirated music and movies on the web. Can it be stopped? It depends who you talk to. Does the fact that it can't be stopped make it acceptable to participate in? Well, this blog is mostly about the music and movies themselves, not about the ethics surrounding them. The author's opinion is officially "huh?"

If you can buy single tracks from your favorite artists, you no longer have to purchase an entire album with a few hits and the rest a bunch of junky predictable tunes. Does this mean that only the most versatile and overall quality bands will reap the most revenue? Yes and no. If a band has 12 excellent tracks, some people will buy their entire album. Some people will steal all 12 excellent tracks.

Some artists like to play with reverse psychology, or have entirely resigned their ability to turn a profit. When you see album or song titles like "steal this album" then you know that the recording industry and artists are still at a loss with how to stay "above water," meaning that they each make more than the gross product of 99% of humanity every year. But whose to say music pirates are all Robin Hoods stealing from the rich and giving to the poor?

This opens up another debate entirely. We've got homeless people with iPhones these days. Perhaps even homeless people with iPhones are pirating music! Homeless iPhone-having music pirates! Jack and Sally Dogood pirates! Everywhere a pirate!

A guilt trip here and there could work. More ads on TV telling you your friends will rot and die in jail if you let them pirate music. Friends don't let friends pirate music. Or let's just jump to the good old "you're going to hell" clause that has really worn out in the last decade, as most of the world subscribes to the idea that hell is just a cartoon for angry, drunk racist religious fanatics.

The conclusion is this: "huh?"

Coming soon!

This blog will soon welcome a new co-author! Stay tuned for amazing new reviews and criticism now from 2 perspectives.

Two Weeks Notice Live in Salt Lake City

I've posted the gig live at the Underground Theatre in SLC (Parts I and II) of Two Weeks Notice, the band of which I am a member. Although it's not an amazing audio recording, it gives you a glimpse into 4 of our original songs. It constitutes a formal endorsement of JJ Weidner, Jesse Taylor, and Brandon Davies as qualified, aspiring musicians. Good work gents! May the gigs continue to flow like milk and honey, and may I partake of that milk and honey sparingly, so as to avoid obesity and conflict with my new married lifestyle!

The wide spectrum of funny music

In the forefront, Flight of the Conchords ranks in as some of the funniest and most entertaining music available today. They are closely followed by the Bare Naked Ladies. Bringing up the rear in funny music is Weird Al Yankovic. Poor soul.

What would it be like?

Here's a question I'll pose to my audience. If falsetto suddenly dropped out of the audible spectrum for human hearing, what bands would drop off the face of the earth?

New Effects Pedal for Microphones

I'll be the first to develop the series of effects pedals for mics called "the sing-along series." These pedals will in essence echo on a pre-set delay to sound like an eager audience mimicking the words of the singer. The settings will be so realistic that minor deviations will intentionally exist between what the singer says and what the audience ignorantly sings.

This pedal will come in many different models. The first of the three to be produced initially will be the "shut up and let the artist sing his own songs so I can hear him" model. This is best for people who like mimicking Dashboard Confessional songs. The pedal incorporates an 85% lonely, tattooed female voice modulation, 10% mumbling of guys trying to impress the girl next to them, and 5% awkward, large, bulky men that strangely know every word of every song. Creepy.

The second pedal in the initial series will be the "we don't know your songs well enough for you to turn the mic over to us yet" pedal. This incorporates a lot of confused mumbling and awkward silences behind the singer's voice.

Finally, there is the "way to ruin an otherwise flawless live recording stupid screaming people" pedal that incorporates a bunch of nasty, guttural sounds and screams while the audience should be singing along peaceably.

On Nickelback and The Fray

Check out my good friend's blog for some in depth discussion of The Fray and Nickelback. His thesis is that The Fray is Nickelback 2.0 and presents some very good arguments to support that idea.

http://pingpongballahollic.xanga.com/

Welcome, my minion!

Congratulations to Clancy Clawson for being the first follower of my blog. His reward will be 30o installments of $10,000 a month, paid with interest starting in 75 years.

I respect Clancy's musical opinion, since he knows more about music than I do. He is the authority on the Beatles, Pink Floyd, and a multitude of other classic rock bands. Also, Clancy represents 65% of my iTunes music library.

If you haven't heard Jake Demke's album "Failed Romantic Exploits" you need to check it out. It's a sultry mix of groove and humor, with such blatant honesty that everyone is inclined to try to relate with the lyrics. Good work, Jake.

EFY Music

A tragic series of events inevitably leads to the creation of every EFY album. How many times can you talk about the wind trying to blow you down but you're a strong tree (or bird, or person) and can take it? Shall we really stretch a biblical allegory and try to make it sound like a pop song?

Kenneth Cope is the worst human being ever. He has an entire two part album of him REDOING the EFY songs of other artists, presumably because he feels his voice is better suited to the part. Kenneth Cope has shamed himself, and all those who speak his name. I will have to now go and perform a de-Coping ritual to rid myself of the shame it has been talking about him for 4 sentences.

Soundtrack Composers - Bringing Life and Meaning to your Movies

The best modern composers out there include Hans Zimmer (Pirates of the Caribbean, Gladiator), John Williams (Star Wars, Schindler's List), Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings), Danny Elfman (The Corpse Bride, Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas.)

Also noteworthy is the otherwise random Australian composer Burkhard Dallwitz for his work on The Truman Show, although only a handful of the songs on the album were original works (the rest are recordings of Mozart piano pieces and such.)

Look up these men and their works and you'll find great music. The music in these cases is just as good or better than the films they enhance.

Beware of the Digitally Enhanced

Many bands have recently jumped on the wagon of having their girlfriends sing awkward duets with them. What a strange thing...is this supposed to reach the female audience who feels they can't relate with male voices? Or is it a new artistic trend...that countless bands are all using simultaneously...hmm...

I can imagine any cookie-cutter band sitting down together, discussing their next album in the recording studio. They are all sporting some new tattoos they got on tour and while recycling some old songs to produce new ones according to a predetermined, 12-track quota, the studio manager says "you know what, if we got a chick to sing this song with you we'd raise our ratings a bit. And lets throw in some fake strings while we're at it. And some overly simple piano tune that even the dumbest of you could figure out. That'll add some class to this album."

And then thousands of desperate, lonely young men learn that same piano tune in a hopeless attempt to impress a girl far out of their league. Do I speak this from experience? Or from third-person omniscience?

Anyways, Angels and Airwaves gets the "most redeemed group with a transplanted singer" award. What a vast improvement from Blink-182. And the award for "most deserving of a swift and ignominious execution for all band members due to a breech of all laws of original, creative thought" goes to Nickelback:

Copy this link into your browser and enjoy youtube's rendition of 2 songs released 2 years apart by Nickelback that sound so much alike that it will make you sick. The two tracks are playing simulatneously. And that guy's hair is nasty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2pXfAK8r1k

Music and the Soul

All of you will eventually discover that music amplifies or creates human emotions that can drastically affect our moods, patterns of thought and over time our behavior. The trick is to select and listen to music, then, that amplifies or incites the emotions we wish to experience. If you listen to System of a Down and Finch all day, you'll feel like a greasy, angry-inside, ignored junky. And soon you'll become one.

If we all listened to music that inspired and lifted our thoughts and feelings then maybe we'd see a few more inspired and lifted people in the world instead of confused, lost children making Meth out of rat poison and repeating the depressing lyrics of Linkin Park in their heads. You know the lyrics.

Pick any of Linkin Park's songs at random and the chances that you'll hear at least one of the following phrases repeated is very probable: "I'm on my own," "get away from me," "I'm so lost," "I'm about to break," "It doesn't even matter." Then they threw in "My December" to talk about snow-covered trees...and how they still are somehow depressing.

Wake up music listeners. Even if you have a crush on the guy with the mohawk and the gauge earings, it doesn't mean you have to trade your peace of mind for delirium in your music selection.

A Word about Coldplay

No band is perfect. Every band has passed through at least one phase of adolescence, including Coldplay. Coldplay, however, is certainly a microcosm for a successful self-made band. I am an authority on Coldplay. Direct all your questions to me about them and I guarantee an accurate or more-interesting-than-accurate response guarenteed within 3 years. I offer this service free to all my blog followers.

The First and Only Music Classification Rating System!

Hello world of music listeners (meaning myself until I invite someone to view this blog). I am creating the very first and last Music Classification and Rating System (MCRS) with its very own acronym! This will help you learn how to identify quality music from the perspective of a musician and lyrical artist.

The MCRS will be released exclusively on my blog, pending a formal patent. Stay tuned, and as a heads up, don't listen to anything by Simple Plan if you can avoid it, unless you're family or unable to help it because you're paralyzed below the neck.

Welcome!

I used the phrases "country music," "rap" and "alternative rock" in the title of this blog to trap clickers-by who need music education the most. Look no further. I am your teacher now. Together we will cleanse your pallet of all washed out, recycled music and replenish the well of songs stuck in your head with refined ones. Welcome.