Beware of the Digitally Enhanced

Many bands have recently jumped on the wagon of having their girlfriends sing awkward duets with them. What a strange thing...is this supposed to reach the female audience who feels they can't relate with male voices? Or is it a new artistic trend...that countless bands are all using simultaneously...hmm...

I can imagine any cookie-cutter band sitting down together, discussing their next album in the recording studio. They are all sporting some new tattoos they got on tour and while recycling some old songs to produce new ones according to a predetermined, 12-track quota, the studio manager says "you know what, if we got a chick to sing this song with you we'd raise our ratings a bit. And lets throw in some fake strings while we're at it. And some overly simple piano tune that even the dumbest of you could figure out. That'll add some class to this album."

And then thousands of desperate, lonely young men learn that same piano tune in a hopeless attempt to impress a girl far out of their league. Do I speak this from experience? Or from third-person omniscience?

Anyways, Angels and Airwaves gets the "most redeemed group with a transplanted singer" award. What a vast improvement from Blink-182. And the award for "most deserving of a swift and ignominious execution for all band members due to a breech of all laws of original, creative thought" goes to Nickelback:

Copy this link into your browser and enjoy youtube's rendition of 2 songs released 2 years apart by Nickelback that sound so much alike that it will make you sick. The two tracks are playing simulatneously. And that guy's hair is nasty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2pXfAK8r1k

Music and the Soul

All of you will eventually discover that music amplifies or creates human emotions that can drastically affect our moods, patterns of thought and over time our behavior. The trick is to select and listen to music, then, that amplifies or incites the emotions we wish to experience. If you listen to System of a Down and Finch all day, you'll feel like a greasy, angry-inside, ignored junky. And soon you'll become one.

If we all listened to music that inspired and lifted our thoughts and feelings then maybe we'd see a few more inspired and lifted people in the world instead of confused, lost children making Meth out of rat poison and repeating the depressing lyrics of Linkin Park in their heads. You know the lyrics.

Pick any of Linkin Park's songs at random and the chances that you'll hear at least one of the following phrases repeated is very probable: "I'm on my own," "get away from me," "I'm so lost," "I'm about to break," "It doesn't even matter." Then they threw in "My December" to talk about snow-covered trees...and how they still are somehow depressing.

Wake up music listeners. Even if you have a crush on the guy with the mohawk and the gauge earings, it doesn't mean you have to trade your peace of mind for delirium in your music selection.

A Word about Coldplay

No band is perfect. Every band has passed through at least one phase of adolescence, including Coldplay. Coldplay, however, is certainly a microcosm for a successful self-made band. I am an authority on Coldplay. Direct all your questions to me about them and I guarantee an accurate or more-interesting-than-accurate response guarenteed within 3 years. I offer this service free to all my blog followers.

The First and Only Music Classification Rating System!

Hello world of music listeners (meaning myself until I invite someone to view this blog). I am creating the very first and last Music Classification and Rating System (MCRS) with its very own acronym! This will help you learn how to identify quality music from the perspective of a musician and lyrical artist.

The MCRS will be released exclusively on my blog, pending a formal patent. Stay tuned, and as a heads up, don't listen to anything by Simple Plan if you can avoid it, unless you're family or unable to help it because you're paralyzed below the neck.

Welcome!

I used the phrases "country music," "rap" and "alternative rock" in the title of this blog to trap clickers-by who need music education the most. Look no further. I am your teacher now. Together we will cleanse your pallet of all washed out, recycled music and replenish the well of songs stuck in your head with refined ones. Welcome.